Three siblings care for aging parents with dementia and the help of IOA Care Coaching.
Dementia care is unbounded by geography. So when both of Pattie Wallner’s parents began to show signs of dementia, she and her two brothers began to coordinate their care from their respective homes in Texas, California and Washington. “Each of us have our own strengths and weaknesses,” Pattie says. “I help with operations, while my brothers are the ‘boots on the ground’ to coordinate care for our divorced parents, with John in Seattle with our mom and Chris in California with our dad.”
But the process, Pattie admits, was “very scattered” across the three of us, and the burden of support on my local brothers and their families increased as our parents’ conditions worsened. That’s when my brothers asked me to help from Texas. At about the same time, we found Caregiver Coaching and our Caregiver Coach, Alex Kaplan.
Caregiver Coaching is a service of Companioa, which is Institute on Aging’s comprehensive dementia care program. “We recognized that a key missing component of dementia care was family support,” says IOA’s President and CEO Tom Briody, “and we designed Companioa to serve as a family’s companion on their journey with dementia.”
Pattie’s brother Chris first raised the prospect of working with a Caregiver Coach. “I had no idea that a service like that was available,” says Pattie. “We’re lucky that we happened to make that connection.”
Alex’s guidance brings structure to the complicated and often emotional process of navigating a loved one’s dementia care, Pattie notes. “Through Alex’s guidance, we operate as ‘Team Wallner’ in the caring of our parents, and work more efficiently as a team,” she says. “Alex is a voice of reason and a wealth of knowledge in helping us understand the aging process.”
From the very beginning, Caregiver Coaching opened up a new level of dementia care that empowered the Wallner siblings. “Alex gave us tools and resources we would never have known about,” says Pattie. “Our biweekly meetings also created dedicated time for us to get aligned as a family about our parents’ care.” She also notes that the education sessions, industry insight and the level of access to their Caregiver Coach “allows us to make tough decisions and know we’re doing the right thing,”
It’s never easy to know when to begin to offer support to an aging loved one who is exhibiting cognitive decline, but Pattie says that Caregiver Coaching should start as soon as you notice those initial signs. “Knowing up front what a typical journey with dementia is can help prepare people as they get up to the starting line,” she says. “It puts you in a frame of mind where you know what you need to think about, helps alleviate some guilt, and also comforts you to know you’re not alone.”
The workload of family caregivers is widely documented. Family members typically spend 24.4 hours weekly providing unpaid care for a loved one, and nearly 25% of caregivers give 41 hours or more of their time every week. Studies show that up to 60% of caregivers may be experiencing burnout at any given time, leaving them frustrated and unable to best care for either their loved ones or themselves. But Caregiver Coaching can help with that as well.
“It’s such an emotional investment, and Alex has been great with helping us prioritize self-care,” says Pattie. “I’m just amazed at all of the resources available that we wouldn’t have known about otherwise. Working with Alex has allowed us to rely on the support of others, which has expanded our ability to care for our parents and ourselves.”
And, where there was once loneliness and frustration as three siblings tried to coordinate their parents’ care from across the country, there is now alignment for “Team Wallner.”
“Caregiver Coaching has helped me feel more connected with my brothers about our common goals as our parents age,” Pattie says. “We now understand the process and the progress of dementia care, and we know what makes sense.”
If you’re feeling uncertain about where to begin after a loved one’s dementia diagnosis, Companioa can help. Learn more at ioaging.org/companioa or call us today at 415.918.6620.
