Last week at our social day program, I watched a man express his very sincere gratitude to his mother’s caregiver for all that she has done for his mother and his family. He looked the woman in the eyes and brought a hand to his heart as he spoke. He seemed to be communicating from a place beyond his words as he implored the woman to understand the depth of his appreciation.
Think back to the very start of your relationship. Those early months—sometimes years—are an intense time of excitement and expansion. This person you’re developing strong feelings for is helping you to see the world with fresh eyes and enter new experiences in each moment simply because you get to experience these moments with them. This period of newness motivates self-expansion, which in itself is a happy and fulfilling experience. In time, the newness wears off and makes way for knowing your partner even more deeply and intimately.
In late April of this year, Katherine Switzer ran the Boston Marathon, completing it with an impressive time of 4:44:31. This was slightly slower than her first Boston marathon, in which she finished in 4:20, but we can cut her some slack. Her first was 50 years ago, in 1967. She was the first woman ever to enter the Boston Marathon. Her courage and strength today is no less inspiring than it was 50 years ago.
“I can’t remember the last time I went to the dentist,” said Charlie, a retired automotive engineer. “I’ve always had pretty good luck with my teeth, so I don’t expect anything will go wrong.” Charlie is one of the roughly 70 percent of older adults without dental insurance in this country. His mindset is a pretty common, though shadowed, one around our responsibility to keep up with dental health. It’s also reflective of the feeling of helplessness when prospective dental costs seem overwhelming, other expenses always seem to take priority, and we are unaware of low-cost dental care options for older adults in the Bay Area.
Nothing frustrates my grandmother more than reaching for a memory and its living details and coming up short. There’s nothing, tangible or intangible, that she can do to bring herself closer. Her wheels are spinning, and eventually, feeling defeated, she gives up hope of finding traction.
Cultural expectations have a funny way of forming without anyone actually giving thought to it. Take getting older. As a society, we have this notion that it is a time of slowing down, withdrawing, and isolating yourself from new experiences, regardless of what your health allows. We’ve treated aging as a time to step aside and to be quiet.
These days, the grocery store shelf is about as close as most of us come to the source of our fruits and veggies. There are some surprising disadvantages to this rather sterile exchange. Exposure to the rich, living dirt in which our produce grows leads to a stronger immune system, thanks to the harmless microbes and bacteria that teach our bodies to build up their defenses. Certain microbes in the soil have even been shown to stimulate serotonin production in the brain, lifting your mood and easing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Spending time in a garden also feeds you with Vitamin D from the sunshine and healthy exercise from digging, pulling, searching, and watering.
I watch as Sandra agitates the salt shaker over her food—once, twice, three times, four times over her chicken alone. Then, after taking a bite, she reaches for the salt again. I can tell that, as an older adult, she has gotten into the habit of seasoning her food more and more. She’s discouraged and frustrated, reaching for tastes that she can no longer find.
There is a central paradox of time that has been explored in a million different songs and poems. It’s that hours can seem so long, but the years go by so quickly. On a practical level, it can be expressed as a question: How do we fill these hours while also being fulfilled? That is, how do we make this short and precious time worthwhile by filling it with expressions of love, joy, and self?
As caregivers, it’s really easy to get stuck in a tunnel of daily routines with visibility for only what’s right behind or right in front of us. While incredibly rewarding, our job is an overwhelming and busy one—and we’re giving a huge amount of focus and energy to another soul. Rest assured, there are simple ways to avoid burnout, though, and to put your caregiver journey into a greater perspective.
Phone: (415) 750 – 4111 | Fax: (415) 750 – 5338
Marin County | San Mateo County | Santa Clara County | Alameda County | Contra Costa County | San Bernardino & Riverside Counties