Dementia is often viewed through the lens of loss—memories fade, independence declines, and roles shift within families. But what if there’s another side to the story? What if, alongside the challenges, there are moments of joy, humor, and deeper connection waiting to be embraced?
A recent New York Times essay takes a refreshing approach to dementia, shedding light on the unexpected positive moments that can emerge in the midst of the disease. Most dementia-related articles focus on the scientific and often difficult aspects of the condition. This essay, although not negating the challenges, highlights the positive side—those moments of joy, humor, and connection that can still exist.
Alexandra Kaplan, MA (Gerontology), Institute on Aging’s Lead Caregiver Coach deeply agreed with this perspective, sharing the article with many of the families she supports through Caregiver Coaching. Their response was overwhelmingly appreciative—many said it brought them comfort, laughter, and a renewed awareness of the meaningful moments they could still share with their loved ones.
When the Brain Slows Down, the Heart Opens Up
One of the most striking quotes from the article reads: “When the brain isn’t working as hard, it doesn’t block the heart connection.” Kaplan sees this reflected in many of the families she supports. She has worked with individuals who had distant or strained relationships with a parent, only to find that as dementia progressed, old tensions faded. Without the weight of past conflicts or rigid social norms, moments of closeness and affection became more natural.
While this is not the case for every family—some face agitation, frustration, or heartbreaking personality changes in their loved one—there is value in acknowledging that dementia affects each person differently. And for those who can find those fleeting moments of peace and connection, they can be profoundly meaningful.
Shifting the Perspective: What Caregivers Can Take Away
For many caregivers, it is easy to focus on what has been lost. The stress of managing daily care, ensuring safety, and adapting to unpredictable behaviors can be overwhelming. But this essay, and Kaplan’s experience with families, suggests that by shifting focus—even slightly—caregivers may be able to see the beauty in the present.
This shift does not diminish the difficulties of caregiving. Rather, it encourages caregivers to pause, notice the small joys, and embrace the moments of connection that might otherwise go unseen. It’s about finding balance—not ignoring the challenges, but also not letting them overshadow moments of laughter, a shared smile, or a fleeting moment of clarity.
Educating the Public, Changing the Conversation
Too often, discussions around Alzheimer’s and dementia are steeped in fear and sadness. While these emotions are valid, Kaplan hopes to see more essays and conversations that also acknowledge the full spectrum of experiences—including the positive ones.
For those in the midst of the dementia journey, the answer may be different for each family. But for some, it may mean slowing down, letting go of expectations, and appreciating the moments of connection that remain. Because even in the hardest of circumstances, love can still find its way through.
