Senior Socialization

Our language has a lot of metaphors for being calm: “A port in a storm,” and, “The still point of the turning world,” are just two examples. They all engagingly invoke a common image: There is tumult, and somewhere in that tumult, there is peace. You just have to find it. The reason these metaphors are so prevalent is because life often feels like a raging swirl, a chaotic mess of stress, emotional entanglements, and uncertainty.

Think back to the very start of your relationship. Those early months—sometimes years—are an intense time of excitement and expansion. This person you’re developing strong feelings for is helping you to see the world with fresh eyes and enter new experiences in each moment simply because you get to experience these moments with them. This period of newness motivates self-expansion, which in itself is a happy and fulfilling experience. In time, the newness wears off and makes way for knowing your partner even more deeply and intimately.

These days, the grocery store shelf is about as close as most of us come to the source of our fruits and veggies. There are some surprising disadvantages to this rather sterile exchange. Exposure to the rich, living dirt in which our produce grows leads to a stronger immune system, thanks to the harmless microbes and bacteria that teach our bodies to build up their defenses. Certain microbes in the soil have even been shown to stimulate serotonin production in the brain, lifting your mood and easing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Spending time in a garden also feeds you with Vitamin D from the sunshine and healthy exercise from digging, pulling, searching, and watering.

What does the concept of “date night” really come down to? It’s about interrupting your usual routines, so you and your partner can be together in a new way, in a new environment, and reconnect with renewed perspective. For a long time, my spouse and I would go out to dinner and a movie, and it really felt like “going out”—especially when we would hire a babysitter and take an evening away from the kids. Now, with the kids long out of the house, we still do this every few weeks, but it no longer feels special; it has become part of our regular fun routine. What we really need once in awhile is a change of pace and a fresh way of experiencing each other.